Six and Seventh Month Home Favorites

These past few months with Layla have been so amazing, and I always say that, but they always are! We have been so busy with both her dad and I going to back to school and preparing Layla for her surgery (more below), so I haven't had a lot of time to devote to blogging. Now that I have some sort of schedule intact, I can get back to it on a regular basis, hopefully!

Layla is going to be 10 months old on October 4th (where has the time gone?!), but her adjusted age will be 7 months. Currently, she is doing well and hitting all of her 6/7 month milestones, so we couldn't be more thrilled. She's rolling and scooting all over the place, exploring her environment, vocalizing, and we've just started teething. (OH GOD.)

There haven't been too many new developments as far as products go, but she is starting to equate bath time with play time, so she's started to enjoy having toys in the tub with her, which is what these favorites will mainly focus on. She is finally big enough to get a bath without her sling in (big girl status)!

Sassy Baby's First Books: How do I love these? Let me count the ways! 1. These are chewable. 2. These are washable. 3. These are colorful. 4. These are WASHABLE. I love them. They come with a bunch of different ones, including one that you can put pictures in, which I have yet to do, but really need to. Layla loves chewing on and yelling at these all day. Especially the one with the rubber handle.
Tiny Love Take Along Mobile: I forgot to list this a LONG time ago as a favorite, but this is still a very favorite of Layla's. She doesn't need to be rocked or sang to sleep...I zip her in a sleep sack, turn this sucker on, and she puts herself to sleep. When I get her up, she's usually trying to reach it and she smiles at it constantly. The BEST thing about this is that it's easy to remove and small so that you can travel with it. I would recommend this to anyone!
Sassy Soft Swimmers: Since she's started playing in her bathtub, toys have become essential. These small toys are great. The fish is a sponge and the octopus and crab are little squirting toys, which she thinks is hysterical. They're cheap enough that I can throw them away after awhile and buy different ones. I've seen enough YouTube videos to know what kind of grossness grows inside bath toys...
Fisher Price Jumperoo: I have searched high and effing low for a jumperoo that didn't require molding to scuff to shit and that didn't have a million different contraptions and toys dangling from it. If you remember, we've limited the amount of light-up toys she plays with, and a jumperoo without lights that won't fuck up your molding just doesn't exist...believe me...I've looked. So, enter this jumperoo. It doesn't demolish your molding, it doesn't have a million toys dangling from it, but it does have two lights in front. Simple solution...don't add batteries. She loves it, we love it...perfect! Plus I scored it for $10 on a mom-to-mom site, so...WIN WIN WIN!
The First Years Stack and Count Cups: I broke these out recently, and I'm glad I did because they are a favorite in and out of the tub. She's definitely not coordinated enough to stack (or count), but she's a pro at banging them together and chewing on them until they're filled with drool.
Sophie the Giraffe Teether: This damn thing. Yes, it's over $20, which no one ever lets me forget...including her doctor that continues to comment on it each time we visit. However, my kid loves it. It squeaks, which she loves, and its appendages are perfect for teething. It's a great distraction and keeps her content. In my book, that's worth $20.

So, a few weeks ago, Layla had a bilateral inguinal hernia surgery. She's had her hernias since before she left the NICU in February, but her urologist wanted to wait until she was bigger to perform the surgery, which I absolutely agreed with. According to her doctor and the NICU, hernias are incredibly common in preemies and are caused from having to push and have bowel movements long before they're meant to. She wasn't allowed to eat before the surgery, but thankfully it was so early in the morning that she was sleeping before we got to the hospital. When we got there, there were no tears, she smiled at everyone and was a total dreamboat. She didn't even cry when the nurse took her away.

Layla in her little hospital gown before surgery.

The surgery took about an hour, which gave us enough time to eat breakfast in the cafeteria, and then we were allowed to go back and wait until she woke up from anesthesia. All of the doctors and nurses warned us that babies are incredibly crabby and even scream and cry when they come to, so we were prepared for the worst. Until she woke up and smiled. This kid never ceases to amaze me with her strength. According to her surgeon, they do give babies a shot in the spine that helps numb the pain for 18 hours, so she didn't need any Tylenol for quite a while. We were able to feed her and they monitored her for about an hour and sent us on our way.

The simplicity of it all still amazes me. We had no complications, no tears, no pain, no sensitivity...nothing. It was all...very anti-climactic...which is such an incredible blessing in the life of a preemie. God has blessed my family and my daughter in so many ways and I am so thankful each and every day.

I am so overjoyed each day to watch her personality develop and learn all of her little quirks. She is truly one of a kind, and she has us all wrapped around each and every one of her fingers and toes.

Princess Pout!

Crafty Mama DIY

So I've been Pinteresting quite a bit lately due to wedding AND 1st birthday planning (1st birthday, can you believe it?!), so I've stumbled across a ton of really great DIYs and I've actually completed a few that I wanted to share with you all!

I've been looking EVERYWHERE for a great framed picture that was big enough to make a chalkboard out of (and easy on the pocket), and I found one last weekend at the Salvation Army for $14.99. That was a bit expensive, but I couldn't pass it up...plus I already had the paint leftover from past projects, so that made it a bit easier.

This was what I started with:

All I need is a shag carpet and some mustard colored bell-bottomed corduroys to get down with this bad boy! Gotta love the faux wood grain stickers they used to put on frames!

After a few coats of glossy white spray paint for the frame and a few layers of chalkboard paint to cover up the artwork, voila!


All that's left is to hang it and get to doodling! With fall already in the air and Halloween on its way, I have a ton of ideas already planned for this chalkboard. I'm so excited to have another item to decorate!

My other DIY is a coupon organizer! I was seriously at my wit's end with not having some sort of organizational system for all of my coupons. They usually got stuffed in a wallet pocket or I had to fish them out of the bottom of my bag...it was annoying and most times, I forgot about them completely. So, when I saw a mini file expander in the Target dollar bin, I grabbed it and got to accessorizing with my label maker and washi tape.


Isn't it adorable?! In front, I made a tab labeled "This Trip" so that when I have my shopping list done, I can grab out any coupons I'll need and stick them in there, which means no rifling in the grocery store line! So very excited about that. I also made tabs for dining, fun, fuel, clothing, baby, grocery, heath & beauty, and household to help me keep things a bit more organized and easier to find. I'm really excited to utilize this and it makes my purse much happier looking now!

I have a ton of holiday and 1st birthday crafts in the works, so I'll be sure to keep you posted on all of those! If you have any great DIY wins (or fails) I'd love to hear about them!

It's been a while, so I'll leave you with a picture of my not-so-little pretty preemie!

Obsessed. I'm totally obsessed with her.

Fourth and Fifth Month Home Favorites

This past month has been all about food. We finally got the green light from her pediatrician to start solids, so I've had such a good time making all of her food myself and watching her face as she tries a new food for the first time. I thought that making her food was going to be really tedious and time consuming, but it's totally not. I really like doing it, and I've saved a ton of money already! Plus, I use fresh, organic produce, and it gives me a huge peace of mind knowing that there's no additives or preservatives.

Besides trying new foods, Layla is becoming more acquainted with her toys and it's been so awesome watching her discover and learn. Being a preemie can sometimes put them behind on their developmental milestones, so Layla does have monthly appointments with an occupational therapist to closely monitor her motor skills and cognitive development to make sure she's where she needs to be and isn't falling behind. She also has an Early-On developmental worker visit our house each month to monitor her progress. It feels so good knowing that there is a team of people encouraging Layla's growth and progress and knowing that we're not in this alone.

With all of our new discoveries these past few months, I have quite a few favorites!   
1. Hyland's Teething Tablets - We've just started teething and with that comes crying because of teething. When that happens, I feel so sorry for my sweet little babe. She has the most thoughtful, happy, and quiet disposition, and she only cries when something is seriously wrong, so it's so sad when she cries. These have been such a life changer!
2. Bright Starts Activity Gym - Layla is finally showing interest in playing with her toys, and I've really been trying to focus more on her tummy time, so this mat pulls double duty. She loves all the toys and there's tons of extra loops that allow you to add more, too. What sold me on this particular gym was NO LIGHTS! It's so hard to find baby toys, let alone a gym, without lights all over the damn thing. You can set the toy in the center to play music each time the baby hits it, so she's still getting rewarded with stimulation.
3. Earth's Best Organic Sensitivity Formula - Because Layla was so early, I had a hard time producing enough milk for her. I was able to get her through her NICU stay, but I eventually had to begin receiving donor milk. When Layla turned 6 months old, her donor (who is so so amazing), was no longer able to donate, so I began doing a ton of research on different types of formula. I was terrified because Layla was unable to tolerate ANY formula while she was in the hospital and I didn't want that to happen again. I finally decided to try this formula, and there have been ZERO problems! She loves the taste, there is no gas, no fussiness, no tummy problems, and I am one happy mama! It's a bit pricey and I use a can a week, but I refuse to use anything else. I don't want to upset her tummy by trying anything different, and some brands have so much crap in them. This is such a great formula with really amazing ingredients, so I'm very happy with it!
4. Lamaze Marina Mermaid - Layla LOVES this toy! She makes eye contact with her and smiles at her all the time. I hang it from the side of her car seat and she pulls it into the seat with her. She loves pulling her hair, which I may come to regret about this toy very soon. haha I have a ton of these Lamaze toys and she loves them all.
5. Munchkin Fresh Food Freezer Trays - I LOVE these things! Since I've started making Layla's food, these have been my go to accessory. Each cube holds 2 tablespoons, which is what she is currently eating, and the lids prevent ice from crystallizing on the top. It IS a bit difficult to get the food out once it's been frozen, but I learned a trick from reading the reviews...run the bottom under warm water for a few seconds then use a butter knife to pop them out! Works every time! I pop them all out and put them in a Ziplock freezer bag for long-term storage.
6. Nosefrida - Layla has bouts of congestion that no bulb syringe could ever conquer. This thing is AMAZING! While the thought of sucking the snot out of my daughter's nose with my mouth is vomit inducing, this totally takes that away with plastic tubing AND a filter. haha PLUS, have you ever cut open a bulb syringe?! So gross. This is all clear, and easy to clean.
7. Munchkin Fresh Food Feeders - Now that Layla is teething AND experiencing solids, these have been so great to have. She loves when I put watermelon or peaches in them and will seriously go to town. Word of caution, ALWAYS use a bib when you're using these. I have a hard time understanding how something so little can produce so much saliva...seriously, it's like a downpour. These are also a bit more heavy-duty than the Sassy ones, because you don't have to replace the mesh. I just toss them in the dishwasher after each use.
8. The First Years Take & Toss Bowls and Lids - These are so so great now that we're feeding! They're super cheap, very durable, and easy to clean. She's been eating carrots and sweet potatoes, but there's still no orange staining! The one thing I don't understand about these bowls is that they're purposely packaged with lids that don't match...that doesn't fly with me. But, thank the packaging genius that decided to put the matching lids in the other pack of mismatched bowls! So, if you buy the right two, you'll have a matching bowl and lid for each one! Ahhhhh...It soothes my inner OCD. Mismatching bowls and lids? That shit is not cute.
9. Munchkin Soft Tip Spoons - First of all, let me just indulge my inner OCD once again by pointing out the fact that these spoons all match each of the colors of the bowls that I use to feed Layla with. I cannot tell a lie...I do match her bowls to her spoons every time I feed her. Don't judge me. haha Another really great plus to these spoons is that they're not as wide as other spoons. Layla is tiny to begin with, so I had a hard time finding spoons that weren't gigantic. These spoons start at 4+ months and the size is great, and the price is perfect!

Mackinac Island Vacation/4th of July

I'm so very happy to say that we have all survived our first vacation with an infant unscathed. The warm weather and direct sunlight proved difficult with a teething baby, but slamming a pina colada with a view of Lake Huron helped ease the tension.

My obsessive packing organization didn't fail me, and there wasn't a thing I forgot! Score one for the mama packing method! I splurged and got Layla the overnight bag that I've been wanting to get her for months, but I held out until I had a coupon. Thankfully, it arrived just in time to be filled to the brim with onesies, headbands, and rompers.

overnight bag

Like I did the last time we traveled with Layla, I packed and sealed her outfits by day in Ziplock bags. In each bag I put her outfit for the day and a back-up outfit (each with their accessories) and a onesie and pajamas for that night. I was able to seal the bag and leave an inch open and roll the bag up to let all of the air out before re-sealing it. It allowed for so much more room in the overnight bag! Because of being on the waterfront, and this is Michigan, I made sure to pack some cold weather clothes and her swimsuits and reusable swim diaper.

I did bring a small soft cooler that fit in the basket of her stroller that I could fill with all of her bottles since we were out and about all day, every day. Of course, you never want to forget formula/breastmilk, diapers, and wipes! One thing that I was so happy that I brought was a bottle brush and a mini of her BabyGanics Dish Soap. One of the most unexciting parts of vacationing with your baby is that the simple pleasures of home (like scrubbing bottles every night) aren't left behind.

Packing for myself was done in pretty much the same fashion. I did score this awesome cosmetic travel case on sale at Walmart!
I was so excited to get my hands on the little bottles so that I could label them (of course!). The back zipper has a HUGE pocket that held so much stuff! Razor, hair products, q-tips, toothbrush/UV sanitizer (don't ask...yes I have a UV sanitizer for my toothbrush), ClairSonic/charger, all of my Murad face stuff, comb and round brush, bobby pins, perfume minis, lotions, deodorant...anything else I could cram in there, you better believe I did. I do have a separate makeup bag, so that doesn't count. haha

Our 4th of July was so great (even though we didn't get to see the fireworks!). We spent it walking along Lake Huron in all of the little shops of downtown St. Ignace. It has such a great little harbor town feel to it and I love looking in all of the kitchy, touristy shops! We did find time to go to a really adorable deer ranch and take totally cliche family photos. haha The restaurant we stopped at for dinner, however, forgot we were even there and we ended up waiting for an hour for our food...so we missed the fireworks. But Andrew and I did get to catch some on Saturday! (more on that, later!)
My little sweet babe on the 4th...those eyes! (Headband from Pretty Little Elm)

Friday was spent taking a ferry to Mackinac Island and spending the day touring in and out all of the little shops and tourist spots, like the butterfly house and the Grand Hotel. If only I had a few million crammed away, I'd love to live there! After stuffing my face with fudge, sweet tea, and pasties, we walked along the water and watched everyone fly kites. I wish real life were that leisurely all the time! I scored a bunch of cute stuff that I might post later on.

Saturday we went to a local zoo outside of St. Ignace and did some more shopping. After dinner, my mom took Layla so Andrew and I could go see the fireworks in town that we missed out on on the 4th. While we were watching fireworks, HUGE SURPRISE, Andrew proposed! It was very cute and the ring is GORGEOUS!


I'm so excited to start planning a wedding and blogging everything to share with everyone! I'm so very happy in my life right now, and it's so exciting to start a new chapter with Andrew and Layla.

Hope everyone enjoyed their 4th of July!

Sweet Summertime

Sorry for the lack of posts, this month has been incredibly busy! Between planning for Andrew's first Father's Day, all of Layla's appointments, my birthday, and our anniversary, I haven't had a single second of free time! This month, we received word from Layla's doctor that her ROP is completely gone! We could not be more ecstatic! My little baby is such a fighter.

For Father's Day, we went with Andrew's parents to church, since a lot of his parents friends hadn't met Layla yet. I ordered her a special onesie to wear and made her a matching tutu to go with it.

How could you not want to just eat her up?! That smile just kills me!

Since we're taking a family vacation to Mackinac Island next week, I got Andrew his beloved iOttie Car Mount for his iPhone 5. We both use ours for GPS, music, movies, etc., so I figured it was perfect timing for a long road trip. He loves it and it works great! As for our anniversary, we've decided to celebrate when we get to Mackinac, so we haven't exchanged gifts yet. (It's totally something from my Father's Day Giftspiration post! haha) Since I have a little extra shopping time, I might have to go out and get something else, too! My birthday was awesome and we spent time doing what we love: eating, drinking, and watching movies. Who could ask for a better birthday?!

Anyways, even though we're only a week into summer, I've been in a summertime mindset since Memorial Day. This is how I work. Summer is way too short in Michigan, so you gotta fake it till you make it. I've been doing a ton of shopping in preparation for warm weather, beach days, and vacation, and I've found myself buying more accessories than anything else. I can't help it - as soon as I see a flash of pastel, glitter, or anything nautical, I must have it. I've bought some really great stuff over the past few weeks, so it's inspired me to make a summer style collage of sorts...
one. two. three. four. five.
six. seven. eight. nine. ten.
eleven. twelve. thirteen.

Um, so, Hi. My name is Renee and I'm totally addicted to mint green and glitter. haha You'll have to excuse the umbrella, Michigan has been plagued with storms and flooding for weeks, so...I thought these were fitting. The colors at least make them feel summery!

I'll be posting about packing for vacation and beach bag necessities within the next few days, so keep an eye out! Leave me some comments and let me know what your favorite summertime necessities are!

Memorial Day Rewind

We spent the weekend at Andrew's parents so that we would be closer to our friends and be able to enjoy a barbecue. When I checked the weather on Friday, Monday was supposed to be fabulous and in the 70s. Mother Nature, however, had other plans. We had visions of barbecue, corn hole, sunshine, and drinks, but our reality was barbecue with the garage door open to cover our head while it poured rain, and everyone cramming in the basement to eat and watch re-runs of Pawn Stars. Not exactly what I had in mind...

Anyways, when I woke up, I was determined to have a festive Memorial Day, despite the uncooperative weather, so I made some Paleo Pancakes: 'Merica Edition! (For those of you who don't know, I have, within the past few months, switched my eating habits to a Paleo lifestyle.) So, with my star-shaped cookie cutter and food coloring in hand, I whipped up a batch of these delicious bad boys!

I also have to mention the ADORABLE plates that I got from the Target dollar bin...they look like paper plates...but they're PLASTIC! I LOVE them!

For the barbecue, we provided all the meat and our guests brought different sides. I was able to find grass-fed, gluten free hot dogs to enjoy along side my bunless burger, fruit salad, and Paleo guacamole with sweet potato chips. So, so good!

This was our first time being "away" with the baby, and there wasn't a single problem! I've mentioned before that I'm a bit of an over-packer, so this time, I was bound and determined to keep my bags packed with practicality. This was also my first time packing for a baby, and I'm proud to say that I didn't over-pack!

With my beloved label maker and Ziplocks, I was able to condense all of her outfits (with accessories!) and bath stuff into a half of a bag! Her outfits and pajamas were already picked out for every day, and I even packed a few outfits in case nature decided to change it's mind...which is never out of the ordinary for Michigan. I'm seriously thinking of buying a closet organizer to pick both of our outfits for the week. I never realized how much stress that relieves in the morning! Especially for this indecisive mama!

Another great thing about going away last weekend was being able to really try out her Aprica Haven OpenAir Play Yard. She still slept her full ten hours each night! I've loved this thing since before I bought it. Not only is it super durable, it folds up with the bassinet insert set up! The bassinet "mattress" is plush and can be cleaned easily, and the bag it comes in has a lot of extra room to store sheets/blankets/etc. I love the gender neutral color (all of Layla's big ticket items are black so that I could reuse them again!) and the simplicity. Takes two seconds to set up and tear down. I'm sold! A great plus is that any pack n play sheet fits perfectly! For those of you that worry about a mobile, I use this Tiny Love Take Along Mobile that can attach to almost anything!

All in all, I would have to say our first "going away" experience was a total success! We've got lots of little trips planned for this summer, so I'm glad to have had this trial run. Since we didn't get to wear our adorable Memorial Day outfit because of the cold weather, I'll leave you with this adorable picture of Layla's post-bathtime scream sesh!

Hooded Princess Towel

Keep your eyes peeled for my green cleaning and Father's Day gift ideas posts! And I hope you all had an amazing Memorial Day weekend!

Second and Third Month Home

We're officially reaching our third month home! When you're elbows deep in shit and breastmilk, time sure does fly! Being a mom comes with more happiness than I could ever explain, but there's absolutely nothing glamorous about it. Unless you're Gwen Stefani. Then you're always fucking glamorous. Baby shit and all.

This past week it's been so nice out here in Michigan, so we've been trying to play outdoors more. However, Layla isn't as enthused as most.

(Outfit from Old Navy, last season)

She is seriously so over it. haha Hopefully that will change as we spend more time outdoors! Her cousins are coming back this summer, so we will be doing tons of fun stuff. I have visions of beaches, barbecues, zoos, and Greenfield Village filling up our days!
We also went to a bowling fundraiser for a family friend last weekend. When the cosmic bowling lights came on, she completely zoned out. She loves lights already, so to see people glowing completely tripped her out. haha I did make her an adorable onesie to wear, complete with pink painted toe and finger nails, and a big, pink tutu!

  Can I just say that Piggy Paint is an absolute essential for baby girls?! How can you not love those chubby little digits covered in pink?!

Anyways, these past few months have been completely amazing, but I've also realized that even though there's a lot of pointless shit you can buy for your kids out there, there are some things that you wouldn't last a second without. I'm pretty proud to say that everything I've registered for and purchased have all be completely useful so far. Which is surprising, considering I have a house full of my own useful pointless shit.

On the Night You Were Born board book: I've been slowly but surely scooping up books from the list of Top 100 Children's Books of All Time, and I haven't been disappointed with a single one yet. Layla especially loves this book (and so do I, even though I cry like a total sap every time I read it to her). The pictures are so cute and she just stares at all the pages as I read.
Little Noses Saline Drops: Because of horrible reflux that causes milk to come out of her nose, my poor little Layla bean is constantly congested. I've tried everything. Elevating her mattress, a humidifier (which has worked amazing with NO leaks!), holding her upright for 30 minutes after feedings...nothing really helps. Because of this, I'm constantly cleaning out her nose with the bulb syringe. She hates it. I hate it. People within a mile radius that can hear her screams hate it. These nose drops help to loosen everything up and keep her little nose moist. I've gone through about 3 bottles since she's been home!
Freddy Firefly: Andrew and I made the decision to limit the amount of light up toys that Layla has, so I did quite a bit of research on developmental toys for all stages. This one is definitely a winner! She smiles so big at this and just stares and stares and she loves the squeaker on it. There are so many fun aspects to this toy! We also bought Jacques the Peacock and Marina the Mermaid and she really enjoys them, too!
Skip Hop Bento Diaper Bag: I LOVE LOVE LOVE this diaper bag! It was really important to me that I get a bag that Andrew didn't feel like a total doucher carrying around, so this was perfect. Not only does it match everything we have (stroller/carseat/playard), greatly pleasing my OCD, but it has so many incredible features. Most importantly, it has STROLLER STRAPS. For those of you who do not know what these are...they are the holy grail of all diaper bag features. Instead of trying to cram your bag of crap into the small space at the bottom of the stroller, these clips allow you to hang your bag from the stroller handles! Can I get an Amen Hallelujah?! There are tons of pockets on the inside and outside to stuff things into and it comes with a bento box to put food in for older babes. All food/bottle pockets are heavily insulated and haven't failed me yet! I can't say enough good things about this bag, and I will be doing a "What's in my diaper bag?" post very soon!
BabyGanics Dishwasher Detergent: At first, I was so disappointed with this product, until I realized it was operator error. When you use this, only use the smallest amount you need! For some reason, I've been bread with the notion that the more soap you use the cleaner things are...this however, is not the case. Fill your little soap compartment and step away from the dishwasher! I love this because I can now stop washing everything by hand, allowing me to wash AND sterilize her bottles/choochies all in one shot! Seriously cleared up at least an hour and a half for me every day!
BabyGanics Stain Remover: This is by far and away the best organic stain remover ever made! I keep a bottle in her nursery and when her clothes come off, BAM! Straight shot to the milked up necklines (and sometimes the shit covered leg holes) and there it pre-treats until it's time to wash. She doesn't have a single item of clothing with yellowing or stains. I also went to the dollar store and bought a mini spray bottle to put some in to keep with me in her diaper bag for emergencies. (OF COURSE I labeled it with my label maker. OF COURSE I own a label maker!) They do make travel sized versions of this product, but it's not a spray, it's a dabber and it doesn't saturate the stains and takes FOREVER to apply.
Calming Waters Vibration Tub: Bath time was such a stressful event when Layla was in the NICU. It consisted of holding your slippery little baby over a pink bucket, praying to God you didn't drop her while all of the nurses watched on as you and daddy debate over holding techniques and whether or not she's warm enough. It was horrible. I purchased this tub because it had really great reviews compared to most tubs and it doesn't have the adjustable seat right under where the baby lays, so it doesn't stab them in the back. I never realized that was an issue with some tubs until I read reviews. The vibrate function on this can be a bit loud as it rattles against your own tub, but Layla still loves it. She just lays there quietly and relaxes. Bath time has actually become one of my very favorite times to bond with her.
BabiesRUs Sheet Saver: These were actually recommended to me by one of my best friends, and I could seriously kiss her for it. These tie across the mattress where you normally lay your baby's butt to help protect from those lovely overnighters we all enjoy waking up to. It's nice to just have a kid to clean up without having to undo an entire bed. Plus, these are super cheap and wash great!

Hope you're all enjoying the beautiful weather! Keep a look out for my summertime favorites and a quick update on spring green cleaning!

From the Beginning

In December of 2011, I was diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance. This came after countless months of endocrinology appointments, dozens of tests, and 7 years of virtually no periods. My endocrinologist originally thought I had a really rare disorder called Non-Classical Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (NCAH) and put me on a steroid called dexamethasone until further testing was done. After struggling with my weight for years, packing on 20 pounds from a steroid was really upsetting...especially after finding out that I didn't have NCAH after all.

In January of 2012, I found out I was pregnant. I don't think that words could accurately describe how incredibly elated we were. Here we were, seven years together (and less than seven condoms used), and we were finally pregnant! Even though it was so early, we told all of our closest friends and family because we were so excited. Because of the NCAH scare and because the dexamethasone was what allowed me to get pregnant, I was declared "high risk" and sent in immediately for an early ultrasound. At 5 weeks, I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum, and miscarried the day before Valentine's Day.

We were devastated. I know people handle things differently, and I tend to go a bit inside my own head, so it was hard for me to find comfort in words - in anything really. The "we'll try again"s or "it'll happen when it's time"s were anything but helpful. At the time, I didn't want to try again - because being a mommy just wasn't going to happen for me. It wasn't in the cards. I was bitter and mean and angry at God and everyone.

Over the next few months, I slipped into a really dark place. I didn't talk to or see anyone but Andrew. Most nights I would cry to him or to myself. I would attempt to end our relationship out of anger or sadness because I felt like he deserved to be with someone who could give him the family he wanted. Out of my own anger, I was determined to be alone, but no matter how hard I pushed, he wouldn't let me. I felt like less of a person - less of a woman. As a woman, having a child is the one thing we're genetically designed to do...and I couldn't do it. It was impossible to rise above the self-loathing.

Looking back, I know I still carried a small sliver of hope, because I begrudgingly continued going to doctors appointments and taking tests. Still, the "I don't know why the hell I'm going, it's not like it's going to help," commentary played over and over. By May, I was exhausted. My endocrinologist called to tell me that, while all of the genetic testing for NCAH was negative, and even though I did test positive for insulin resistance, she didn't want me to get pregnant. (WHAT?!) She wanted to run MORE tests and re-submit the genetic test and re-do all of the tests I had taken over the last 5 months. I broke down in tears and told her I couldn't do it anymore. I was done. No one ever plans for this. I never planned to undergo genetic testing, to take multiple glucose tests at the ass crack of dawn, to collect my own piss in a milk jug and keep it in my fridge for 24 hours at a time, to be injected with estrogen to see what happens, to be put on medication I didn't even need...but what completely blindsided me was a doctor that I had cried to, confided in, and trusted tell me that she had no intention of helping me to get pregnant because I was too fat. She said that she was sorry, and that she knew better than anyone what it was like to not be able to get pregnant, but that she wouldn't help someone at my BMI get pregnant.

That was it for me. I asked her to please give me a medication for my insulin resistance and I told her that I would have my family doctor refer me to a new endocrinologist. This is when I started taking the metformin that I had begged my endocrinologist to put me on for 5 months.

Later that month, I was talking to my gyno about what had happened, and she immediately referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist. I made the hour long drive to see him, telling myself that if he couldn't help me, then no one could.

He agreed that my endo put me through the ringer. That after reviewing all of my test results, there was no way that I could have NCAH. That people who have NCAH rarely live to be my age and that he didn't understand my endo's thought process. He showed me a chart with my results and how they fell into the "normal" range, and he was extremely sympathetic. Never ONCE did he say anything about my weight. "You do have PCOS, and women with PCOS sometimes hold a bit more weight in the stomach area. So what? You want to be pregnant, so why are we wasting time not trying to get you pregnant? Women with extra weight have healthy pregnancies everyday." He wrote me a prescription for clomid and set me up with a follow-up appointment to check my follicles once I had taken the clomid.

I don't think he quite understood just how much that meant to me. Just one doctor with faith in me and in the ability to fulfill a dream for me allowed me to have faith in myself again. That doctor will always, always hold a special place in my heart.

So, with prescription in hand and hope renewed, I waited for my period so that I could start taking the clomid. I waited. And waited. And waited.

The metformin was supposed to help regulate my insulin levels, thus allowing me to have a period, so I felt myself starting to get upset again and wondering if the medicine wasn't working. By mid-June, I was extremely sick, with a high fever and a killer sinus infection. After two weeks, a box of Sudafed, and a period that still hadn't showed, I was at a loss. What the hell was wrong with me?

On June 25, I was in the bathroom getting ready to go out to dinner with Andrew for our 7 year anniversary when I decided to do something I hadn't done in months...pee on a stick. Before getting pregnant the first time, I was a POAS addict, but after everything that happened, I didn't even want to try. To keep squinting and staring until you start to see a line that isn't even there...it's just depressing. I had two tests left, a non-existent period, and a relatively good mood with the thought that I could take the hit if it was negative.

I took the test, and instead of staring like I usually do, I took a deep breath and walked out of the room. What I came back to made me the happiest I had ever been...

The line is SOOOOOO faint that most people probably couldn't even see it (and the picture is horrible), but I did. I couldn't believe it, so I took a second test, and BAM! That second line was just as faint, but it was still there nonetheless. I won't lie. I continued to take a test everyday for the next two weeks to make sure the line wouldn't go away. It never did. The happiness was quickly replaced with fear. I couldn't go through another loss again. I didn't think my heart could take it. After a test at my doctor's to confirm, the fear was joined with anger and depression. Yes, I was pregnant. "But I'm just going to lose this one, too. Yes, my dream had come true, and without the clomid! "Better not get attached, it's just going to be ripped away from you." My inner dialogue wouldn't allow me a single second of peace. When I started cramping and bleeding at 5 weeks, I was barely hanging on to sanity. My mom rushed me to the emergency room where I was diagnosed with a threatened miscarriage and rushed into an ultrasound.
And there she was. This little poppy seed of a person with a heartbeat of 159 beats per minute. I was in love.

But the fear and anger never left me. I spent my entire pregnancy on edge with a refusal to bond because I didn't want to get hurt again. (At least I thought I wasn't bonding, but that shit sneaks up on you whether you want it or not!) And I did. I was just terrified. Even more so now that I had seen a real heart beating and a really teeny tiny little baby was indeed, in there.

I was immediately put on bed rest at home and unable to work. So, for the next 3 months, I was alone with my horrible thoughts. If it weren't for Andrew, I would have driven myself insane. Periodic ultrasounds and proof that my baby was growing helped to ease my fear overtime.

In October, I was allowed to go back to work on a 25 hour per week restriction. A month later, I had an ultrasound to check on her growth. (A previous ultrasound had shown her head circumference to be in the 5th percentile.) The ultrasound tech took her measurements and asked if she could do a trans vaginal to check my cervix. As she was looking at the screen, she got a funny look on her face and excused herself from the room. I just looked at Drew in panic, hoping that everything was okay. When she came back in she told us that my cervix was wide open and that an ambulance was on the way.

I just started crying. I didn't know what to think. I wasn't in any pain. I wasn't experiencing any signs of labor...maybe she was wrong? I was rushed to the hospital via ambulance with Andrew following behind. When I got there and the doctor did a cervical exam I was told that I had less than 1mm of my cervix left on the bottom and that my bag was bulging. At this point, I was only 24 weeks, but they assured me that if I had her, they would do all that they could to save her.

I spent the last three weeks of November in the hospital. (Thanksgiving in a hospital BLOWS.) Every morning I was put on the monitor for a non-stress test, I received two rounds of steroids to help strengthen her lungs, and I had the wonderful task of inserting a pill of progesterone into my lady parts every night. ("Do you need any help in there?" "NO!!!")

I went in to labor once and they were able to stop it with magnesium...until December 3rd. I was rushed back to labor and delivery and put back on magnesium to try and stop it again. But it didn't work this time. Like with my miscarriage, I was having excruciating back labor, and received an epidural that changed my life. (I'm not trying to be a hero.) The magnesium acts as a muscle relaxer, so I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I slept through all 10 centimeters of dilation. They had to wake me up to have me push. It was wonderful. Haha My water still hadn't broke, so they wanted me to push her out IN the sack. WHAT?! Let me tell you how horribly awkward it was to have a doctor, two nurses and 4 NICU staff staring at you with all of your goods on display as you wait for another contraction...I may or may not have faked having a contraction just so I could push and break the weird tension. I was able to get her head out in the sack until it burst and scared the shit out of everyone in the room.

On December 4th, at 3:54 in the morning, after fifteen minutes of pushing I heard this little mew of a cry. She was here.


And she was perfect.